I know.. I have no reason to be upset when I am the bitch over here..

I am the one that is indecisive and I am the heartbreaker..

I always thought that I am stable enough to settle down my my years bf..

I love him and I really do..

It took me 5 years to know what kind of person he really is..

I know he can be a good husband and will take very good care of me..

However, things sometimes got a bit dull and I feel lonely and neglected overseas..

What I didn't realised that I became vulnerable over time and I am allowing people to step into my life unknowingly..

This guy that I recently know got a strong chemistry with me. Got a good career work for the same airline and he is "my type" of guy but I know that if I happen to be with him.. I will have a hard time as well.. both are flying and he is much more eligible than I am.. I will not be happy as I will be feeling insecure all the time..wondering what he is doing on every other flights..

However, the most important thing that is holding me back is my wonderful bf..

I know it's hard to find someone that can love me for who I am entirely and I know.. once I chose to have fun.. that's it.. I can never turn back and I deserved every consequences of it..

He will not be there for me anymore and he might even hate me..

I am unsure if I am plain honest or a dumb arse..

I told my bf that I am actually liking someone else and I may not be ready to settle down after all. His family came to know about it and I guess they will judge me from now onwards.. even if I chose him.. things will not longer be the same because I am selfish..

I guess.. I will just move on.. and see what I really want.